Women & Chivalry!

Every day I wake up and I question what is that makes me me! What is it that defines me? Every day I have the same answer. Without the slightest trace of doubt, without the slightest hesitation of momentary thinking! It’s my family. It’s my ever gorgeous mother and it’s my ever lovely sisters. That circle of the known connections of the heart and blood do not just limit me in defining who are my family but it goes far beyond that !
For, if I could have to paint the canvas with words, I would love to depict myself as an extension of these women in my life. Growing up in a family of women, a lineage of strong, independent women teaches you about life every single moment of your breathing life. Its humbling to say the least. To know that no matter what I become and what I achieve, its always going to be a tiny fraction of what they already have. It’s like comparing the vastness of this universe to a basketball.
As I was saying, growing up with so many women around is always the best that can happen to you as a human being. The relentless supply of inspiration unfolds itself gradually as you learn to appreciate that there can be no me  without you. This I simply do not say because we are born of women, but I say that because we manage to survive in this jungle of a world because of women! You need tolerance and you need patience, and you are not going to learn that in the confines of a school or in the pages of self –help books. Only a woman can show you the true meaning of what it is like to be these virtues rather these being just traits or words.
A mother’s love is unconditional we all know. And we all take it for granted. But we understand what a gift this is to our lives, when we stop to think and consider it.  No one will fight for you more than your sisters and stand in front of the world to cushion any blow the world throws at you. Women do things for the people in their lives because they want to and not because they have to. Its only the inherent fool in a man which makes the mistake of confusing love and duty; of confusing meekness with weakness and of confusing tolerance with helplessness.
Woman sacrifice every day of their lives; voluntarily or involuntarily!  This true for that strong woman who maybe is sitting in the leathery luxury of corporate board-seats or of the woman who sits in the field sowing seeds for her farmer husband! The situations different, the medium different however the spirit, it’s the same. The strength of a woman is not in her arms maybe, but is there in her unbreakable spirit, in the vastness of her pool of love.
For those of us who are fortunate enough to experience it, we know there is no force greater than the fierceness of a woman’s love. For when they love someone, they love with all their heart, with all that they have, even with their names. So if you are surrounded by such a blessed gift, make no mistake my man! Hold on it ! As she will carry you through it, no matter how strong the wind blows, no matter how hard the tempest gathers!
Unfortunately, a lot of us are silent witness to all that’s wrong for them. Sometimes even the reasons for all the wrong. There are lot of talks around the repercussions for the crimes committed against them, lot of awareness as to how women should protect themselves. While all that’s fine and should be encouraged, we need to appreciate the fact that every lesson starts at your own home. Why is it that some men look at women differently, treat them differently than some others ? The answer is sometimes very simple. We should learn to learn from the women around us. They will always teach you the right thing to do. There is no rocket science in the fact that men must own responsibility. Why isn’t it that our education system that emphasises on teaching redundant information that are of no use in the child’s development, cannot as much as inculcate the good habit of treating women equally and with respect right from their impressionable ages. Why is it that the measures always have to be in retrospect? While we can debate on it endlessly, the fact remains we are still struggling to provide foothold to those who provide us with our lives. A bit of shame, really!
That is why I stress that growing up with women is a blessing. While you surely will enjoy the company of your buddies, but opening a door for your woman, or pulling the chair for her will never go out of fashion! Or Culture!
This is a token of appreciation for all the women in my lives, my mother, my sisters, my best friends, my colleagues and to all those who I will know in the times to come who through their resplendent spirit draped in passion of their loves, the glimmer of their dreams, the tip toeing of their pumps, (sometimes their exorbitant shopping sprees ..;-)) make me look good! Make me who I am! Give me a reason to try become a better person! Give me a reason to try harder! Give me a reason to believe the Gentleman is not dead!
Let the chivalry not die. Let the reason for our chivalries not die.

Romancing the Mondays

Allow me to start this piece by quoting a small anecdote Iread in Howard Cutler’s discussions with the Dalai Lama in the book The Art ofHappiness at Work ( a beautiful book, a must read for those who are not afraidto ask questions about themselves).
Here it goes :


On the savannas andplains of a primordial land in the distant past, there once roamed a small bandof early humans. Among the band of prehistoric hunter-gatherers there were twobrothers, Jim and Lemarr. Having common parentage and common characteristics ashuman beings, the brothers were similar in many ways. Both enjoyed squatting bya warm fire on a chilly night, enjoyed a tasty haunch of antelope. But like allhumans, there were subtle differences in their genetic make-up resulting inslight variations, not only in appearance but also in intelligence, temperamentand disposition. Lemarr enjoyed making new things, developing and exercisingskills, and gained a sense of enjoyment and satisfaction from spending longhours engrossed in fashioning tools. Which he eventually used to hunt andcontrol the environment around him. Jim however, was less inclined to work, gettinggreater satisfaction from sitting around munching on walnuts and watching thesunset. One Tuesday afternoon , while he was engrossed in watching acaterpillar crawl across a leaf, Jim’s career as a caveman was cut short as heended up being the featured item on the lunch menu of a sabre-toothed tiger.Lemarr survived and had several children who became our remote ancestors andhis trait of the enjoyment of hard work was passed down to us.


Why this story? Well, the moral of the story is quite clear.Work hard or be remembered fondly in stories told by those you are survived by!Of course, in the modern context, unless you are in the armed forces, survivaldoesn’t automatically means fighting to keep your limbs attached your body likeJim. Here survival has an implicit meaning. Resulting from competition!
But choose if you will, there is another moral to the storyand that is : We are genetically imbibed with a gene that allows us to enjoyhard work. I will go one further and say the by products of hard work. Of awork well done! That feeling at the end of the day, that feeling of content ofa day well spent.
But somewhere along the course, we have managed to create amonster out of a day of the week. The big green goblin called Mondays that wekeep moaning about every Sunday and till the final minute of our time spent inthe office/at our jobs on the Monday that follows. Every Sunday we meet ourfriends and their friends and instead of enjoying the bliss of the break thatvery moment has to offer,we hear them relentlessly complain about the Mondaynext, of their busy schedules that is supposed to kill the joy of their lifeand of the sapping work hours that’s going to eventually be the cause of theirdemises. Countless people post/share mind numbingly stupid photo shoppedpictures of a distorted face of a baby cribbing about the apparent Monday. Thenwe walk into our office premises and the minute later, the cribbing of ourcolleagues starts.
Have you ever stopped and wondered, why is it thateverywhere everyone complains of the same thing but no one has ever bothered toprovide a solution ? Have you stopped and asked yourself this question if thisMonday plagues you so much, what can you do to change the pattern ? The answerfor most of us out there will be a resounding one – NO!
Complaining is contagious and we get an intrinsic boost inevoking similar emotions and thereby introducing a latent chain of sympathycycle in our lives that simply put is a buzz kill. It kills your enthusiasm forthe work that you do which quite logically affects your output and efficiency. Itstunts your growth professionally and personally. Because soon you start losingthe drive!
A lot of us out there spend majority of our waking time inlives at work and thereby it is quite rational to conclude that this microcosmof our beings require attention. Very rightly put by the effervescent spirit ofthe Dalai Lama, there are 3 ways we can view our work :

As a job – We all need to start somewhere and more often than not we do take up a job simply as a job because it provides for the necessities of life. It might not be your dream job but in a world but where you can’t exchange a litre of petrol by smiling at the attendant, its good to have a steady source of income. Like it or not, no employer likes you when you complain about your job. On a Monday!

As a career – Viewing that the job you do today is the building the platform for a career you aspired for. Some people do tend to choose careers over money! That’s a different story. Think about it. But it all started with going to work on Monday and giving your best.

As a calling – there are some fortunate ones who are liable to break the barriers of the job and career and view the work that they do as a calling for something bigger, more meaningful in life. But talk to any one of them who have attained that stage, you will not find a soul who didn’t go through the phase of having to question themselves about the work that they do.
Each one of us has had a calling.Varied from each other’s but be very sure there is one in us. Find it, questionit! Be sure that this is what you want! And if what you are doing is not whatyou want, consider the practical questions whether you have a platform strongenough to move on from. No matter what you do, where you are, which field youare in – the basics remain the same. Respect your job. Respect the work you aredoing. That’s the least you can do.
If you are find it difficult tore ignite the spark, think about that day in school or college when you sawyour parents get all dressed up and go to work. And aspiring to become likethem whence you grew up. Think about the moment when you got your first job andyour heart jumped with joy. That was the moment you thought, now I too amsomebody. That sheer pleasure of tasting freedom. Independence!
Think about the excitement youexperienced when you met so many new people on the first day of job. Most of usmeet more people at our work places than anywhere else (statistically proven).Most people are shaped by the people they meet at work. Now that’s got to countfor something. Do those little idiosyncrasies which make you look forward forthe day. Press your clothes, tie the knot, and polish your shoes. Look forwardto greeting everyone with a genuine smile.
Even the simple gesture of wakingup and thanking the Universe for having a reason to get out of bed and going towork is worth living for! Try, if it works your life has changed. If it hasn’t,you haven’t tried.
A wise man once said, “ I likethe feeling of putting in a day’s hard work and then enjoying the feeling ofbeing tired!” Why not experience that on the first day of our weeks.
I hardly meet people these days thatlook forward to going to work on the Monday. Why not be the one that changesthe pattern? Enthusiasm can spread faster than the forest fire.
Next time someone complains abouttheir Mondays being a headache, just politely ask them to then not kill yourjoy! If they complain about their headaches(we all know what causes the Mondayheadaches) offer them an aspirin and move on.
Enjoy the work you do, enjoy thelife you live. Find the motivation. If you can’t motivate yourselves, be sureno one else will. We all have a reason to work hard. Your work might be hardnow, but who said its going to be any easier. That’s why the saying is, “ Youearn you living!”